Projection Madness

Come on, turn off your stupid thing. Why isn't it going off?
 "HEY, this is not turning off." - Brilliance in action

My boss almost handed me a “stupid” sign after today’s meeting.  I was taking lead on a project, and had my first experience using the projector.  After the presentation, and powering down my laptop, the projection light remained on the wall.  Hmph!

For the life me, I just couldn’t figure out how to turn off the projection light.  I pressed several buttons on the remote, and finally yelled out “How do I get this off?”

“Use the remote…”

“I AM.”

“You have to point it at the projector… my god Woman, on the ceiling?”   

Note to self:  pointing remote at the wall, doesn’t work…and makes you look incredibly silly.

When “new do’s” remind you of something

who do I look like?

Finally got my hair done!  I was looking super old with all the grey.  I’m just one of those people that procrastinates spending $$ on herself, especially when it all goes to kids’ sports, etc.  So my pedicures and hairdo’s wait, sometimes longer than they should. (okay, wayyy longer)

So, I finally got my  hair and eyebrows groomed/cut/colored.  The whole bit.  Since I wanted to let it grow, my hairdresser only trimmed, but did a couple different snips here and there, and styled it differently with the round brush… “Oh, I like it this way,” she said.

Heck, anything is better than prior… and…really bouncy… I find myself shaking it around…but it was vaguely familiar.  I couldn’t place my finger on it…just who did it remind me of…

Then it hit me, I now resemble the mom off that 70’s cartoon show, “Wait ’til your Father gets home”  Of course, when I watched they were already repeats at that point, but I remember!

Yup- totally. Ha!

V-Day: to love or not to Love?

Here is what Samantha (and Gibson) are handing out this year. Piece of paper with Gum attached – I had from big Costco purchase. Done

“So are there any boys you have a crush on or like?”

 

“Uh, momma.  There are more 1st grader boys than 2nd grader boys in our class.” utter shock/dismay in her voice with strange eyes at me.

 

There have been posts from guys stressing over what to do for their women.  There have been posts from women, of what they expect from their men.  However, there is a whole new dynamic when you have kids!

Flash back to the past:  Remember when handing out Valentine’s in class was something we thought about and planned, who you were going to give a Valentine to {your latest crush(es) or best friend(s)} and which ones they’d receive out of your box of Scooby Doo’s, Barbie’s, Star Wars, or Strawberry Shortcake.  Sometimes, if you felt particularly generous, you gave everyone in the entire class a card.  Extra bonus, for those crafty mommies that made treats or purchased candy to include.  There was always so much going on, no one noticed whether or not someone was skipped/missed on the card hand out, etc.  We all had full bags of cards at the end.  It was easy.

Flash forward to present:  Now, if your child wants to give a card to their best friend(s) or a particular boy or girl, they are forced to give to the entire class.  Normally, this wouldn’t be such a big deal except:

• The classes are incredibly large now- no kid is going to write out that many Valentines
• Kids want to hand out candy, but it gets expensive buying for the entire class of 35 students.  Have you looked at bags of candy pricing these days?  (for the good ones)
• Kinda removes the whole purpose/idea of a Valentine- this person or small group is special to you.

On this mass scale, it becomes a chore.  Of course, your child is going to want to hand out Valentine’s.  Of course, they want something cool to include, because let’s face it- the only thing my 10 year old boy cares about, is the goodie attached.  Do my 8 and 10 year old want to work on their cards, heck NO!  Of course, they want theirs to be unique and liked by others.

So, it’s left to me.  Not to mention, the mass produced boxes out there don’t provide enough Valentine cards for these larger classes, so you’re forced to buy two boxes, left wondering what to do with the remaining.  (save for next year, but those always end up lost or no longer relevant- think Harry Potter- when it’s all about the Hunger Games now)  Besides, they have to differ from everyone else’s.

This year, I made it as easy as possible.  Found a clip art of heart with arrow (not even a good piece of clip art- it’s pixalated- didn’t bother fixing.)  inserted onto a word document, placed “from Samantha” or “from Gibson” and printed.  Samantha spent time cutting hers out with various scissors providing a decorative edging.  My son expects me to do his, and remember to include one for him.

I better get to it, not really feeling the love.  :)

Remember that time you slept walked Naked?

“You were outside the college just in your skivvies, remember that?  You were lucky you didn’t freeze to death!”

 

“No, that wasn’t me, it was a statue.”- future post graduates’ conversation.

 

image- Rack 3 Media

Kudos to the person that sparked conversation on this masterpiece that has the Wesley College girls in an uproar, requesting its immediately removal.

“It’s just ugly,” with a nervous giggle, said one student on the news.

 

Yeah, I agree, tighty-whities, boxers would have been better choice or even a pair of pajama bottoms.  However, then it wouldn’t have been nearly as shocking.  As it stands now, tongues-are-a-waggin':

“A car went by and driver nearly swerved off the road,” said another source. 

Yes, the statue is well made and quite realistic.  It probably shouldn’t have been placed right next to the road, but it does need to be in a place to be seen, or what’s the point?

The most interesting comment from the news casters:

“Students and faculty fear the statue my trigger sexual assaults”

Really?  On the poor wax statue dude?  Or on the students?  If a predator was planning to assault someone, I’m thinking they were considering it long before a dude in his BVD’s or Fruit of the Loomies ended up on their campus.

As a past sleep-walker myself, I got a kick out of this because I could relate. First of all, you scare people around you.  You don’t walk with your arms out, but you do stumble along, sometimes opening doors and picking up things.  Next interesting fact, your eyes are open, so to others, it appears you are awake and you just stare.   I had frightened my mother (and babysitter) in the middle of the night several times by just quietly entering their room, and just standing.

There were times, I did wake to find myself staring in the refrigerator uncapping/recapping the milk jug several times, checking to ensure front door was locked several times, and yes- standing in a parking lot. (just once)  I’d wake and think, what am I doing here? (Que David Byrne’s Once in a Lifetime)  Then I’d stumble back off to bed

image- Elyrics.net

Pick two celebrities to be your parents

I read an article today pertaining to unique and somewhat odd questions companies are asking on interviews.  One that caught my eye:  “Pick two celebrities to be your parents” (asked at Urban Outfitters).

Hmmmm.  I would have to ask for some time to give a serious answer on that one…my first thought was someone debonair, and immediately George Hamilton popped into my mind.  Except, I don’t like the slicked back hair, overly-tannned “whisper sweet nothings in your ear” kind of guy.  Ew.  Who wants a dad known as a womanizer?  Quickly nixed that.

Of course, they have to be someone realistically old enough to have been my parents. Amazing women popped into my mind like Meryl Streep, Diane Keaton, Kathleen Turner (smoker’s voice- too many ciggies), Goldie Hawn…

WAIT

Who wouldn’t want to be the “love-child” of Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell?  Kurt is so cute with those dimples.  Nah, that’s not creative enough…moving on:

Returning back to the dad, John Travolta’s imaged floated in my mind…except I wouldn’t want one of those dads mixed in with Scientology.  My dad would have to be a “funny guy.”  Images of Robin Williams, Billy Crystal, Chevy Chase, Danny Devito came to mind…no, no, NO, AND HELL NO.

One of my favorite movies of my youth, Smokey and the Bandit, popped into my head. Burt Reynolds…ew…back up there as the George Hamilton kind of ew.  Different types of guys (one slick/one crude), but ew just the same.  “Come over here and give me a little lip-lock.” YUCK!  In the very early years, handsome, but then…what’s up with the dark eyebrows and ‘stash?  The reason why my dad stopped with the facial hair, because gray was the first to appear there…is Burty dying it?

I’VE GOT IT…mixing humor with cute, I would be the love child of the “wild and crazy guy” Steve Martin and Sally Field.  Although he has the darker brow going, it looks distinguished.  Sally looks beautiful no matter the age, and always seems approachable and huggable, doesn’t she?  I loved her in the show Brothers and Sisters.  I leave you with FUNKY TUTTY…happy Friday!  Tell me, who would your mom and pop be?

Sending my kids in the next rocket to space- Reason #1- Sweaty fit

Yes, how much for 2 tickets?

Anyone else want to send their kids to the moon?

I get it.  No boy wants to shop.  However, there comes a time when you need to purchase clothes or be naked.  Unfortunately, my son would choose the latter.  However, living in our society comes with these dang laws, one of them requiring clothing.

A few years back, I purchased (3) pairs of Old Navy sweat pants for him.  These had ribbing elastic at the ankles, and drawstrings.  No matter that they were too long, or too big in the waist, it all worked fine…until he eventually grew and they became high-waters.  However, I could never get him to go shopping, so  we waited…

A couple of mornings ago, Gibson dressed himself and complained:

“What the heck…These are too short, mom” 

Accusing me as if I had, in the middle of the night, suddenly changed the size on him. So I instructed him to take them off, and did the worse thing…produced his one pair of jeans that still fit him perfectly.

Unfortunately, he had become so accustomed to wearing sweats, he threw a fit.  Seriously… lying on our living room floor and rolling around in his underwear, he refused to dress himself.  When they were eventually on his body, he whined:

“These aren’t comfooortable, mom!”  eeenh.  “You’re so mean.”

They fit him fine, but they just feel heavier than the sweats.  He sat on the couch refusing to move, eat his breakfast or put on his shoes.  The last couple of days have been such an issue, we’ve run late to school both days.  One of the days, we were the last car to drive up, and the principal opened our car door…uh, Sorry, couldn’t get my 9 year old dressed.

The past couple of weeks, I had already been shopping and searching  for similar sweats at Old Navy.  Apparently, they stopped making the style we liked or placed them in the “vault.”  Can you unlock them?  Please?

Now all the sweats are the straight, athletic type of work-out pant, at all stores- including Target and Walmart.  Ugh!  They are either all too long, or too large in the waist without a drawstring.  Same for the jeans, too long, too tight, too big…too something.  I spent my last week returning items.

After the fit, My husband decided to get involved.  He made plans to take our son shopping after school that day.  However, the younger sister talked dad into letting her go, as well.  I laughed.  Dad was warned.  He could (should) have left Samantha in Kids Factory.

Surely enough, although they know better…the kids ran up and down the aisles, playing hide-n-seek in the clothing racks.  My husband came home, reached for a beer, and said “I didn’t know who the kids were.  They acted like they were 3, and they were so LOUD.  How come our kids are so loud?”

Their expedition to JC Penney and Sears, and Macy’s took a few hours.  They, too, had similar jeans as Target/Walmart/Old Navy.  He confirmed what I already knew.  Nothing fits our son.  Levi’s fit, but when bending down, there was a large gap produced showing his underwear.

What my husband loved most about their adventure:  In the fitting room, looking over all the pants, Gibson pointed to his favorite.  “Those are comfortable.”  They were the jeans he already owned…the very same ones he had a fit wearing that same morning.  **sigh**

They did find a perfect fitting Adidas sweatpant! Except, now I had a fit at the $27.00 price!

Those Amish are so resourceful- they’ll talk you into anything

I’ve worked at various places over the years.  As an administrative person, and as an office manager, you come across all the peculiar personalities in an office environment.  Then, there are the jobs that the customer is very unique.  Whether it be co-workers, or the client, there is plenty of great blogging material.

This scenario happened while I worked for a low-income real Estate investment company.  Investors provide money to purchase properties in pools (bulk) from Fannie Mae that foreclosed.  In turn, we place them on Craigslist, selling very inexpensively as-is, meaning often in a state of disrepair.  It is a great program for the lower-income community, giving them a chance to own their own property.  These individuals then sign “land contracts,” usually a loan for 30 or 20 years, producing a very low, monthly payment.   Think rent-to-own.

The mentality of most of  the home owners was very interesting to say the least.  Usually, they had difficulty understanding that they didn’t yet own the property, and would not receive the deed in their name, until paid in full.  Or they viewed it as rent, and completely optional.  They would forget to pay, and we had to remind them monthly, “We need to get a payment,” which would often turn into a lengthy conversation of excuses- not kidding, I heard:

• I had to buy dog food, it’s very expensive you know/my dog is sick/ died
• I’m a tattoo artist, and ex-convict trying to make ends meet
• my kid is in the hospital, with 3 degree burns and my youngest is a special needs child (we think she was lying about the hospital)
• waiting on child support check, for some reason I didn’t get it this week…
• had to pay child support/garnished wages”unexpectedly” for said child support. (damn those kids- they expect you to provide for them?)
• I had surgery (yes, last year on your toe for ingrown toenail)
• I have breathing problems/lung cancer/throat cancer (yes 3 years ago)
• I was incarcerated (I don’t care it wasn’t your fault- you’re out now-)
• Everything was ripped off out of my car, debit card, license, passport—can’t possibly go to the bank- all my stuff is gone.  (Why was your passport in the car?  You always carry that around?  How convenient that you can’t get any money from the bank.)
• I’m taking care of my grandkids.  I have to fix the roof, I’ve got the 9-year-old grandson helping me.  I’m on limited income  (what happened to the parents?  Are they in prison?  Your grandson is on the roof?)
• I want to reduce my payments so I can make house repairs or can you fix? (what part of ‘as is’ don’t you get?  This is owning a home.)
• Lightening struck, and wires came down on my roof, started a fire.  Electric company came out and I don’t have correct electrical box that required an electrician to do some extra work.  Paid out so much money, can’t afford mortgage payment.  (give us receipts- they never came.)
• Everyone is out of work.  (you just got the house.  Did you really have jobs to begin with?)

Oh, the elaborate stories!  Dang, some of these people had such rotten luck, their Grandma died… 3 times that year… the same grandma!   Yes, they can come up with some faux tear-jerkers.

It was one of these phone calls, where someone decided  they couldn’t afford the monthly payment, and wanted to return the property back to us, via our “Voluntary Surrender” program.  Therefore, we sent one of our repair guys to inspect the property and prep it for the new home owner.

As our representative was taking photographs, he noticed there was no garage.  That’s odd.  The listing reflects a 1-car garage.  He called us, and we called the occupant.

“What’s going on with the garage?  We’re told it’s… missing?

“Oh, yeah, didn’t I tell you?  I donated it to the Amish for a school.”

You what?  Wow.  None of us saw that one coming.  How nice to donate our garage.  He couldn’t understand why there was an issue.  It was his house after living there 6 months, and making only 1 payment, right?  By the way, I wanna give it back- obligation free- uhh…minus a garage, okay?  Okey-dokey, then!

What I’d like to know, how did they come get it?  Those Amish are so clever and quite resourceful.  Proceed with caution: they will talk you into donating something that doesn’t belong to you and quickly cart if off on their wagon.