Thomas Jefferson was a Filthy Cheese Whore?

Looking up information on cheese, I came across the story of the Cheshire Mammoth Cheese.  There seems to be some speculation mixed with facts.  This is how it played in my mind:

What a grand idea a religious leader had:

“Hey, to show our respect, let’s get together and make this huge block of cheese and deliver to the president; We’ll include a letter with our political views.  Doesn’t that sound fantastic?”

The farmers agreed and went a-milkin’ as others modified the Cider Press.  Everyone stood in awe over their creation of the 4 foot wide, 15 inch thick hunk of cheese, weighing between 1200-1600 pounds.

Wow.  That’s some cheese.

Um, anyone think about how we’re going to transport this to Washington, D.C.?

Since they deemed it too dangerous to place on wheels, heck, they couldn’t even get it UP on wheels…someone suggested a sleigh.  Brilliant!  Fortunately, it was winter time (or maybe it wasn’t, and they had to wait until winter), so the route to DC was snowy…and hopefully downhill.  Whew, problem solved…load off their minds, and that thing was getting stinky.

The Religious leader steered the sleigh and went a-preachin’ along the way.  It took 3 weeks to travel 500 miles.  Meanwhile, neighboring cities along the route were all inquiring “Hey, what’s that smell?”

Upon being presented the gift, Jefferson was so amazed at the extraordinary skill of domestic pungent art, what did he do?

He cut the cheese.

Yup.

Then, he read their political views, and paid the congregation, “$200.00 in gratitude (over 50% of market price)”  Further, he wrote a letter pertaining to “A wall of Separation,” the beginnings of separating Church and State.  Well, this “Atheist approach” freaked everyone out, and some people started burying their bibles and hiding them in wells from the filthy, cheese-whore administration that was surely bound to burn them!

So during the time Bibles were being hidden, what happened to the Mammoth cheese?  A section remained, and got stinkier, stinkier over the 2 years at the mansion.  Eventually, it decayed quite significantly becoming full of maggots.  It was dumped into the Potomac River, where the fish got to feast.  Everyone/thing loves cheese!

The Cider-converted-to-cheese press is now a monument because all of the above started with a Reverend acting like Santa Clause, and delivering this massive, dairy present to the BIG CHEESE in DC.  It’s too bad they didn’t have T-Shirts to express this sentiment back then.  Or Ben Franklin wasn’t alive to consult:

“Yo, Benny!  I’m thinking of making the biggest cheese ever and giving it to the pres.  Whaya think ’bout that?”

“Logistics might be a problem.  What are the dimensions and weight?  How will you transport?  How long will it take?  The product will be a little maggoty upon delivery.  I suggest running a shirt through a printer, producing the same sentiment.”

“oh, right!  I didn’t think about that!  Good point.”

So I read two references (here and here) on this subject.  Not a whole lot of research.  That was the quick gist I got from briefly scanning articles.  Really, it all started with cheese?  Fascinating.

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About the Title:  Have you read Justin Gowel’s blog, Ramblings from an Apathetic Adult Baby?  His unique phrasing is intriguing.  I’ve commented a couple of times that I need to insert one of his phrases in a blog post of my own.  On his recent post pertaining to cheese, he wrote”Filthy Cheese Whore” and in our comments, he challenged me to write something using the phrase.

Well, Mr. Gowel…how’d I do?

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